12. Medlar, Chelsea - Duck Egg Tart with Red Wine Sauce - Set menu

Birthdays are for eating. Preferably extensively and expensively. So, back in November (still), as a Hippo Birthday to me (yeah, that just happened), I decided on the Michelin-starred Medlar for lunch.

After much wardrobe stress and on best 'ladies-what-lunch-in-Chelsea-no-less' behaviour, we rocked up on a Monday lunchtime to find we were the only ones there. Cue best, reverential, indoor voices.

Actually, after I overcame my odd, peasant complex, the staff were friendly and, once the lunch time crowd trickled in, the restaurant had a comfortable atmosphere. As for the food, The List ordered the starter of duck egg tart with red wine sauce, turnip purée, lardons and sautéed duck heart.

Despite not seeing eye-to-eye on occasion (most recently in the bubble tea saga), I'm beginning to love The List. This wasn't one of those 'endure-this-in-an-attempt-to-expand-your-horizons' dishes; this was one of those 'talk-amongst-yourselves-while-I-enjoy-this-duck-centric-reverie' dishes.

Not only was it one of the prettiest dishes so far, but the flavours and textures were incredible. The sweetness of the red wine sauce, the salty lardons, the savoury, chewiness of the duck hearts, the runny egg, the crunch of the thin pastry base... *Pauses to take a breath and mop up drool*...

Having enjoyed such a delectable (a Michelin word), grown-up starter, when The List left me to my own devices, I opted for what I thought was a suitably grown-up main. However, I can't actually remember what that was because it has all been replaced with a foetal-position, corner-rocking chant of: 'I ate brain, I ate BRAIN. I ATE BRAIN AND IT WAS GOOEY!'




Brain folds

 That would be the accompaniment of crisp calf brain. It took the form of a croquette with a mozarella-esque stretchiness. I didn't really register it as brain until I spotted the BRAIN FOLDS that told me that that flavour I couldn't put my finger on was, in fact, grey matter. That was when my own brain rejected it.

Definitely an experience dish; one that will stay with me in a PTSD fashion - Michelin Scarred.

So to sum up:

1. I would come back again and again for that tart

And

2. I am not cultured enough for cerebral offal.

11. Boba Jam - Matcha Green Bubble Tea - £3.60

Khaki-coloured, 

Green tea flavoured,

Frogs spawn.

No.

Just no.

10. GBK, Clapham Highstreet - Kiwiburger, £8.50

Remember, remember the 5th of November, gunpowder, treason and one megalith of a burger. Yes, I'm a little behind; I munched this one on Guy Fawkes Night. Don't miss the Christmas edition in May.

The List had me in GBK for the first time in years for a pre-fireworks burger. I was dubious. GBK had been a student staple about 5 years ago but I found having such a chainy, chain restaurant on The List highly suspect; like Time Out was throwing us South Londoners a pity dish (check out the map: it's sparse down here!).

With all the new, independent burger places going back to your simple, quality burger in a bun, adding anything more than a slice of hand-selected, artisan cheese seemed a little try-hard. Or so felt the food snob in me.

I'm sorry, GBK, I've been a fool.

The List was right, GBK were there first - got to be a reason they're still going.

The Kiwiburger is actually a bit of a masterpiece in meat, or stuff to smush together with meat. With its beetroot, pineapple, cheese and egg, it's tall enough to look you square in the eye and say 'so you think you can handle me, pom?' (in a friendly way, it being officially inoffensive since 2006).

That's at least 3 of your 5-a-day right there.

Sounds weird, tastes amazing. Them kiwis know what they're doing with the contrast of that savoury egg, earthy beetroot and sweetness of the pineapple.  I devoured the whole oozy lot (admittedly with a knife and fork, lacking as I am in the ability to dislocate my jaw - I'm working on it). I figured with all those food groups covered, it's basically good for me.

So yeah, I'm returning to the fold. GBK is back on my personal list, under the reasonably-priced-(especially if you're voucher-savvy)-prelude-to-a-wholesome-activity-(such as fireworks) column.

9. Pizza East, Shoreditch - Salted Chocolate Caramel Tart

2012 was a pretty good year. We learnt things like, even at the age of 86, the Queen is the King of Standing and that it IS acceptable to fashion yourself a cape from a flag AND wear it in public (but only for 2 weeks every 4 years). 

And if the year had a flavour, it would be Salted Caramel. Which, conveniently, moves me smoothly on to the next dish...

I have mixed feelings about the trend. I've had some seriously good salted caramel ice cream from Brixton Market's Lab G, which makes me look forward to Oddono's, as The List suggests. But, Heston's salted caramel popcorn just tasted like toffee Butterkist and the Starbucks salted caramel latte I consumed almost immediately projectile un-consumed itself. 

However, according to Time Out, Pizza East (very cool, very Shoreditch) was on the salted caramel band-wagon when it was just a soloist wheelbarrow. So if anyone was going to convince me, they were, and I think I'm converted. It's all about the salt level - too much and you've got yourself a brine latte, but just right (like these guys), and the contrast is delicious.

Lovely thin, crispy pastry base, with gooey caramel and chocolate filling and the trendy sprinkle of salt. Be warned, it's jaw-achingly rich and fainter hearts (read: pansies) might want to share, but it's definitely worth a good go at it.

8. St John Bakery - Custard Doughnut, £3.50

I've been tackling the old CV (read: cramming buzzwords into 2 sides of paper). And to quote the nagging voice in my head: "If you have time to blog, you have time to job hunt". 

However, lack of motivation for something you have to do (CV) + guilt preventing you from doing something you want to do (ANYTHING ELSE) = Productivity limbo. A place of incredibly. slow. progress. 

Most of my time there has been spent studying the ceiling with occasional bouts of formatting the crap out of what I wrote 3 years ago. And never before have I been so on top of my laundry...

So it's been a while, I'm sorry. But I've finally conscientiously managed my time and pro-actively enjoyed working effectively both alone and as part of a team with a friendly manner (BUZZZZZ). The CV is written and I am BACK!

Incidentally, if anyone knows of any jobs going with short hours and extravagant pay, do get in touch.

So anyway, stuff I ate. 

Next thing on the list: Custard Cream Doughnut from St John Bread and Wine, just down the road from my Square Pie lunch. OK, technically, The List said to go to their Maltby/Druid Street Arch but:

A) It's only open on Saturday mornings
B) There was mention of a queue
C) I don't do queueing on weekend mornings(a rule I've just discovered I have)

It felt rude to run into the restaurant just to grab a doughnut so I had a sit down for a pre-dessert of bread pudding and custard. It was just like your nan would make but, unsurprisingly, filling enough to make me get the doughnut to go.

When I finally felt able to contemplate eating it (dinner time -  balanced), it had passed its best in that tense way doughnuts have. But (top tip) 10 seconds in the microwave mellowed it out and got the custard all oozy again.

And... relax

My sister says I should write more organoleptically (apparently a word... look it up) but we all know what doughnuts smell like and they're pretty quiet.

However, this isn't just any custard doughnut. It has the kind of vanilla custard with the real vanilla black bits in (which means it's the good stuff). I wouldn't expect a doughnut to be dainty but this one was surprisingly light with quite a delicate flavour. 

I recommend scoffing it in bed, focusing on the ceiling while your CV stares accusingly at you from your laptop. I might even consider breaking my weekend queue rule for another one. It'll be a more productive use of my time than avoiding interview preparation.

7. Square Pie, Spitalfields - Pie and Mash

Pie is my go-to dish on the pub menu (I think I might actually have eaten all of them). In fact, wrap anything in pastry and I'll eat it. ANYTHING EDIBLE, not dirt or worse. You think you're so funny.

Anyway, my pie love meant I went happily to Square Pie; another excellent tin that does what the label says. That is, pies. Square pies.

For me, it's all about shortcrust - none of this pot pie with a puff pastry lid. That is not pie. That is stew with a hat. No, no, I want fully enveloping, thick, lardy crust. The golden kind that's a bit soggy on the inside but has a good bite to it on the outside.

And Square Pie nail it. Proper pie with proper pastry plus mash and a side (peas or beans; so beans, obviously) and gravy in a box for £7.50. Bargain.

My photography; as good as ever

The List didn't specify a filling (of which there are many), so I kept it traditional with the steak and Guinness and didn't regret it. Don't let the canteen hot plate put you off. Good stodgy pastry, soft or crispy in all the right places, big chunks of beef, rich ale-y gravy. OK, the mash was a bit 'school dinners', but then I've never found it particularly un-'school dinners' (sorry, Mum).

Side note: The confusing highlight of the whole experience was when  I said: "Thank you, that was yummy", to a member of staff clearing the table (as you do) and she looked at me, shrugged and muttered "I don't make them"; as if I had mistaken the place for a family run shop and her for Mrs Squarepie herself.

Being in Spitalfields Market, this is a great place for a comforting, pastry-cased sit down after traipsing round all that London has to offer in the way of moustached T-shirts. Especially on a cold grey day. It's like a hug in a box.

Thanks Mrs Squarepie.

6. Kao Sarn, Brixton Village - Som Tam

Yay, Brixton Village! Like pretty much every food blogger (so pretty much everyone then), I bloody love that place. I'm proud to say that I was there before it got trendy; when you'd eat your lunch at Cornercopia surrounded by empty units and the aroma of fish guts. I miss those smug days when it was a hidden gem, but there's no arguing the fact that the queues are well and truly justified.... *mutter*...day trippers... *grumble* etc.

If you really must visit Brixton Village (and I'd prefer you didn't), you won't regret it, wherever you eat. The place exists to satisfy every food craving... Thai, Pakistani, burgers and grills - Bukowski's is a new favourite of mine, crepes, cocktails, ice cream, pizza, tapas.... Also, vintage clothes, but I imagine they would take some chewing...

I was dead chuffed to find a Brixton Village classic on The List. I'd been to Kao Sarn a few times before (known as, The Thai One; in a similar way to The Crepe Place and That Really Good Pizza One) and loved it; not least because the BYO-ness means it's mega cheap. But also because the food is brilliant: quick and delicious and Thai.

I'd not had the Som Tam before (or Som Tum Thair as it said on the menu) so it needed another visit. The review for this one says it'll bring back memories of backpacking but it's funny... I never came across it in Peru... (Dad joke!TM)

Som Tum Thair is Thai for 'papaya salad with a kind of sweet and sour flavour and one hell of a kick'. Now, on a scale from 'pansy' to 'this lady', I'd rate myself as 'alright' with spicy food, but this one had my nose running good and proper and had my sister whimpering (she rates as 'less than alright').

It was a nice flavour to start, a contrasting mix of the citrusy papaya and ground shrimp flavours and a good, fresh crunch. But when those chillies kicked in, my taste buds pretty much retracted and it quickly became a test of endurance

I'd overlooked this dish in the past and, although it's nice to try something new, I think I'll continue to do so. I'm beginning to think The List is about 'the experience' more than the flavour - this experience was snotty.

I can, however, recommend the Pak Tod (listen up, Meat Liquor: that's how you deep fry a vegetable!), the lamb massaman (rich, flavoursome and HUGE), the lovely service (lovely) and the price (small). 

Not that it needs my recommendation; we arrived at 6.30pm and got a table straight away. By the time we finished at 7.15pm (a combination of efficient service and food inhalation), the queue was round the corner. Go here (but don't).